Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Two workers at the Mets’ forthcoming Citi Park were injured on the job thanks to unsafe conditions. What they thought was a safety net turned out to just be a seven game lead.
The Los Angeles Dodgers will finally have a float in the Rose Bowl Parade. The float will probably run out gas halfway through.
Alabama football coach Nick Saban has been criticized for comparing his defeat at the hands of Louisiana-Monroe to Pearl Harbor. The only thing that should be compared to the tragedy of Pearl Harbor is the movie Pearl Harbor.
Rams QB Marc Bulger suffered a concussion. His condition worsened when he was reminded that he plays for the Rams.
Ricky Williams has put a book on his life story on hold. Problems arose when Williams kept rolling the manuscript.
Japanese gold medalist Mizuki Noguchi will wear a pair of shoes made of rice husks while running in Bejing. Noguchi hopes her rice shoes will help cool her feet while also reaffirming stereotypes. To combat this advantage, Ethiopia will be providing its runners with forks.
The NBDL began its seventh season this week. No one knows why.
Isiah Thomas said he’s so confident that he won’t be fired, he’ll be groping a different employee each week.
And German pole-vaulter Yvonne Buschbaum will begin hormone treatment to become a man. Given the average physique of a German female athlete, treatment will be completed next Monday.
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