Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait 

All-time money winning horse John Henry passed away at age 32, just eight years before the Mets would have offered him a contract.

Speaking of things on their last legs, the Carolina Panthers signed 44-year-old quarterback Vinny Testaverde, and actually told people about it. Testaverde will be a great backup in case any of the coaches get injured.

Pothead Ricky Williams has applied for reinstatement after being repeatedly reminded to do so. Williams has said he’ll work for peanuts. As well as twinkies and cupcakes.

Congratulations to Lorena Ochoa for becoming the first female golfer to win $3 million in one year. That will buy a lot of flannel shirts.

Admitted steroid user and Olympic gold medalist Marion Jones will compete next year after all, batting fourth for the San Francisco Giants. Jones’ tearful admission of steroids is under review, as there’s suspicion the tears were also not real.

And after a two-year absence from the NBA, Allan Houston is attempting a comeback with the New York Knicks, because they’re not bad enough. If that doesn’t work, he can always sign with the Carolina Panthers.

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