The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The Nashville Predators might be moving north now that they’ve been purchased by a Canadian businessman. It’s uncertain as to whether anyone in Tennessee will actually notice. This is the biggest scam pulled on Nashville by a Canadian since Shania Twain’s career.

Nike is resuming soccer ball production in Pakistan. Who better to make toys for five-year-olds than other five-year-olds?

Former NBA player Henry James has been sentenced to five years in jail after being caught dealing cocaine while his six young children were with him. Worst Bring Your Child to Work Day ever.

Memphis small forward Mike Miller is donating $1 million to help ill children. It’s not as generous as you may think. Most of the children became ill after watching the Grizzlies play.

Gary Payton is leaning towards retirement. We’d prefer if he fell completely into it. Payton said he wants to spend more time at home trash talking with his children.

Dodger Stadium now has an all-you-can-eat section where fans can feast on Dodger Dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos and soda. The seats will attract both fat people in LA. And make the Dodgers more appealing to David Wells.

And Michael Vick is continuing to deny reports that he was at a dog fight. However, it was difficult to hear him over all of those dogs.

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