For comedic relief I am ‘live blogging” tonight’s Boston-New York game posing as a disgruntled Yankee fan being forced to watch the NESN broadcast. This is definitely Rated R. – Steve
Pregame thoughts: Great, we start the day with the Giambino going on the DL. He supposedly has a foot injury but I bet that Bud Selig and that Mitchell clown set him up with a bad drug test. You know Mitchell is a Red Sox fan, that d’bag is from Maine and Selig, WTF he hates George always has, always will. He wanted to build boats too but he ended up selling used cars. So he’s jealous. George should make him kiss a World Series ring or clean one of the trophies just for kicks.
OMG I’m being forced to watch the game on NESN because I’m in an area where YES isn’t available. How the hell am I gonna survive Orsilly and Da Rem Dawg (gimme a break what a self-promoting tool). God I’d do anything now for Michael Kay or John and Suzyn.
AAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Now I know how Charlie Brown felt when Lucy pulled the ball away.
Some old man just said A-Rod is “an extremely bright and attractive guy”. Don’t tell me this ass has been banging A-Rod too.
Oh jeezus the old coot and that loser Dennis Eckersley (what the hell did he ever do to get in the HOF? Can someone tell me??) are bringing up the team payrolls. Yadda yadda yadda. Lalalalalalalala.
Who’s this bald ass with the specs holding hands with Eckersley??? Is that his boyfriend?? He doesn’t look like Eck’s type. Looks more like he’d be hot for Youwhokilis and that big ol’ bushy beard he’s growing. Maybe Big Papi could spit on them to lube them up a lil.
Oh we can text questions to these asses??? LOL. Here goes, Eck how did it feel giving up that walk off bomb in the World Series to a guy who couldn’t even walk much less hit??? I wish you could see it because I’m giving him the choke signal because he was part of the great collapse of 1978. Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah. Eff this they won’t use it, I just know it.
Oh great with the rain delay I gotta watch some Bahstan propaganda, and the Sox fans bitch about Yankeeography. What the hell is this?
They’re showing everything they’ve ever done that they have video of.
I do notice there aren’t any World Series highlights yet. Where are
they doing this from a little league field???
Finally it’s game time. We need to sweep to put some fear in these guys. And we have our personal BP pitcher Tim Wakefield on the hill tonight. Oh Goodie!!
I don’t know way these fans HATE Johnny so bad. He’s a great guy always plays hurt, he’s a real gamer.
Oh God our captain just got ripped off by of all people Mike Effin’
Lowell. Why does Matsui always look like he’s constipated?? He looks like they need to load him up on ex-lax or something.
Some ass is wearing a blonde woman’s mask in the stands. What’s he doing that for so A-Rod will think he’s hot???
Okay now our very own Asian Assassin is in on the mound Ching Ming Wang. Everyone says Wong but we all know it’s WANG. Come on
chingy!!!! Oh jeezus they’re even bringing out Ray Bourque. You
call that a celebrity???? For christ sakes we got Billy Crystal, he can sing and dance at least. And don’t forget Chazz Palminteri, he’s whacked guys in movies. We got it all over those Sox fans, who they got some guy ona show called Yes Dear. What’s that about a buncha Boston fags??
Dammit Phelps you gotta field that ball now bases are loaded because fat Papi walked and the rastafarian got a single now drew is on too.
But chingy gets out of the jam.
Now they’re showing Christie Brinkley WOO HOOO, she’s too hot to be a Sox fan must be a Yankee fan but isn’t wearing her hat out of fear.
Now they’re talking to some old bastard who won a pennant in 1967. Do they have any clue how many we’ve won before and since then???? These losers admit that baseball barely existed in Boston in ’67. New York always the KING!!!
I wish they would shut up about that Yastrzemski d’bag. Big effin’
deal he had one year. Yaz lalala, 1967 lalala, Triple crown lalala.
Do they know how many good years Mantle had????
YES!!! Robinson Cano a two run HR!!!!!!
Is that another batboy in our dugout?? Oh it’s Tyler Clippard, it’s hard to tell with all the zits. I wonder if he will be packing his Proactive for a trip to Scranton when the Rocket comes back on Monday?
Man they should take a pic of him with Tavares that’d be effin’ scary especially on High Def.
Nothing like you’re number three hitter sucking big time ass and being moved to 7th. Effin’ SEVENTH!?!?!?!? Mantle and the boys would never have put up with that crap and Ralph Houk wouldn’t have embarrassed them like that. First A-Rod 8th in the playoffs now this.
That Torre has gotta go and soon.
Wakefield needs to stop being a bitch and quit whining about the strike zone and just pitch some more BP. Well in little league they always said a walks as good as a hit and we just got a run on a walk.
3-0 Bombers.
Dammit Jeter!!!!! When was the last time you did anything!?!?!?!?
That double play just killed us!!!!
Chingy is in deep shit now, 2nd and 3rd and the top of the line up
coming. Crap they got a run on a ground out it’s 3-1 Yanks. Yea
Torre just took one up the ass from the umps on that strike/ball call to Youwhokilis. Now he’s walked and Fat Papi is up. I hate this god damned guy. 3-2 Yanks I told you I hated that guy. Now the rastafarian is up again. This guy needs a haircut you’d never see a Yankee looking like this. Crap now they’re loaded. Rasta boy wanted the RBI but that speed demon Youwhokilis couldn’t score. Even the self-promoter thinks that guy struck out a couple hitters ago. It still doesn’t change my mind on that Wally character. WTF is that all about??? The Yankees don’t need no stinking mascot. Oh how funny the Fenway asses chanting ‘HA’ as A-Rod is catching a pop up. How original.
OMG the Rastafarian just threw out A-Rod at second. What the hell was he thinking?!?!? Oh yeah about those tits he was playing with in Toronto.
LOL did Orsilly just say “Jeter had a tough time getting it out.”? I don’t think that stud A-Rod had that problem north of the border. Now Robby needs some lessons on straddling the bag. I think A-Rod can help with straddling. Chingy just gave up a hit to a guy batting like .070. &#^#*!!!!!! tie game some guy named after a city in Illinois just drilled the ball down the line in left and Matsui tripped over the foul line. What is this keystone cops??? Damn The Wanger is over 70 pitches it’s just the third inning.
Yanks up 4-3 when Wakefield throws a wild pitch. How can you tell??
They all look wild. Now Phelps just took some BP, 5-3 Yanks. Now a passed ball and another run, 6-3 Yanks. Passed ball isn’t that what John Kruk has?
Dang Hip Hip just hit a bases loaded double for three more runs and it’s 9-3 Yanks. It feels like 1978 all over again. Our BP pitcher got hit up for 8 runs, now The Wanger has some room to breathe.
Hopefully he won’t choke on it.
Oh god they’re talking about the day we traded Boomer. I cried, I really did that fat drunk bastard was really one of us, I wish he’d have come back to us instead of Clemens that arrogant prick. Boomer
of all places, San Diego????? Why????? For christ sakes you’re a
YANKEE!!!! Jeez Wanger can’t get Fat Papi out even with a six run lead, now Rasta boy is up again. Hey Shit head!!! Get a haircut!!!!!
And for god sakes wear a uni that fits, be respectable like Frank Thomas. Ha ha Rasta boy just hit into a double play. Now he can go into the clubhouse and get a blunt.
Bobble desk??? WTF is a bobble desk?? Does this guy bag his morning crap and sell it too??? You’d NEVER see John and Suzyn doing a bobble desk. Orsilly is making up outs now, he just said there was one away and there’s no outs. God I miss Michael Kay. Abreau is on a tear tonight he should hit 7th all the time. I think his average maybe up to .235 WOOHOOO.
I think Ray Bourque left already maybe he’s embarrassed by the ass kicking or maybe Palminteri came to Boston and whacked him between innings. Or he’s in a bar pounding beers. They make beer in Boston don’t they??? It probably sucks too. Holy shit Abreau got thrown out trying to steal third now Torre’s pacemaker sent him a zap and he’s actually on the field arguing. He’s only wearing half his uni but he’s out there holding his chest screaming like an old man in a deli who got served cold soup.
Yanks got them loaded again. Just like the old days. Here’s another pitching change. It’s just a new guy we can make our bitch. Right A-Rod.
Effin’ NESN they go to a commercial and Torre gets the heave ho. YES doesn’t pull this shit we get to watch Joe get tossed live the way it should be. I thought Joe died last month but apparently I was mistaken. Heave Ho Joe. That’s not to be confused with the Ho Heave A-Rod had in Canada. Holy shit look at all the walks this guy has given up. I smell more runs. Remember kids a walks as good as a hit except it doesn’t help your batting average. Matsui better take that dump and soon the constipation is robbing him of his power, he just flew out with sacks juiced to end the inning. Speaking of juiced the Giambino would have taken that one out. Most definitely.
Jesus how long they gonna leave Chingy out there his effin’ arm is gonna fall off. He isn’t as tough as the Gator, they gotta yank the Wanger and soon before he explodes.
Oh now Da Rem Dawg (there’s only one Dog and we know who he is…right Chris Russo?) and Orsilly are commenting on A-Rod’s week. A-Rod hates Boston there’s not a good strip club anywhere in the city, he says you gotta go all the way to Providence to the Foxy Lady or to Cheaters. Christie Brinkley is on camera again. She still isn’t wearing her Yankee hat. I wonder if Christie ever stripped? Maybe a few times for a coked up Billy Joel, another Yankee fan BTW. God dammit what the hell was Hip Hip doing trying to score on that passed
ball?????? You can get hurt doing that shit and we need him so we
can take over the division.
Wanger is at 101 pitches through 5 innings are they afraid of the bullpen that much they’re gonna leave him in there?????? He still can’t get the guy who’s named after a city in Illinois out that dude is 3 for 3. Bourque is back behind home plate again he looks effin hammered. He’s probably swearing in French too. That way they don’t know what he’s saying and he won’t get thrown out, that sneaky Canuck.
Youwhokilis just got a really cheap hit to extend his hitting streak
to 23. What a gyp. The Wanger is done for the night he threw like
200 pitches and blew his load. Donnie Baseball (all bow) comes out to give him the hook because Joe is in the office chain smoking Pall Mall reds and drinking Gennie’s like there’s no tomorrow. He probably already has his face in the post game spread too. Great, old man drool all over the cold cuts already. If you don’t know any better you’d swear Yogi was here. Donnie Baseball liked hooking he the pitcher, he’s practicing for when he stages his hostile take over.
Orsilly is upset because he went fishing on Thursday and didn’t catch anything. Unlike A-Rod who went to Canada and caught a stripper with big tits who can bench-press his wife. Bourque looks like he has had too many sausages out of the street cart. What’s with all the ugly women at Fenway???? They give away free tickets at the soup kitchen or something?? Was it crack whore night?? God nothing beats a Yankee Stadium girl or a muscular stripper ha A-Rod.
Bruney is pitching now, he could be the new Boomer, he even wears his number, has some tat’s and looks like he could pitch drunk. I don’t think he could throw a perfect game but I bet he could get through an inning or two. Rasta boy has another hit. Get a haircut you hippie!!!!!!! Nice twin killing started by the captain!!! What the hell was Rasta boy doing? Practicing stop, drop and roll on that???
With A-Rod on deck the Fenway d’bags start chanting “we love strippers” well no shit who doesn’t? right A-Rod? A-Rod no matter what, you’re a real Yankee in Mickey Mantle’s eyes. The Mick, now he’d be effin’ proud. Matsui gets an infield hit I’m surprised he can run with all that constipation. I hope Joe saves him some bananas off the clubhouse spread.
Oh god Farnsworth is pitching, I hope he can hold onto this six run lead. Is it me or does Farnsworth look like the Woody Harrelson character in Natural Born Killers???? Farnsworth just threw the ball to the screen and Bourque dove like he was blocking a shot at the Garden. Some ugly Fenway chick on the third base line is in all the right handed batter shots. She keeps leaning over and pretty soon her knockers are gonna fall out and then A-Rod is gonna jump out of the dugout and start throwing money at her. Then there’s gonna be a riot.
But A-Rod won’t be cheap like Pacman Jones he’ll let those Boston asses keep the cash what does he care he makes $25 million a year before his endorsements. I’m sure he’ll have even more soon when the Valtrex guys call and ask him to be their spokesperson.
That bitch Javier Lopez just drilled Robby Cano. Where’s A-Rod to defend his honor?? Captain Yellow shirt, Ray Bourque, just vacated his seat. Why not I think he needs some crappy Boston brewed beer.
It’s not like the Canadian brew huh Ray?
What no Mo???? Damn guys, Proctor’s arm is gonna come loose at some
point with all this work you give him. It wont be funny when his arm is laying on home plate. Kazoo just whiffed one down, two to go.
Holy shit here come the dugouts because Proctor just hit Youwhokilis right up near his face, I don’t think any punches will be thrown but A-Rod is along the rail trying to pick up chicks. Proctor gets ejected that’s bullshit, three Yankees get drilled and he gets
tossed??? Maybe Mussina can hit someone tomorrow with that nasty
84mph fastball just to try to get even. Villone is now pitching and he can’t get Fat Papi out and this brings up Rasta boy. If he was a blonde A-Rod might ask him to strip with all that hair. Donnie baseball isn’t screwing around is going to Mo. About damn time. 9-4 Rasta boy knocks one off the wall for his fourth hit of the night.
9-5 Yanks they couldn’t turn two on a come backer, what the hell?
They finally close it out on a ground out. Well that was exicited.
Anyone wanna bet after A-Rods wife falls asleep he sneaks out looking for hookers???
Well bean eaters the Moose is loose tomorrow against that whiny pussy Schilling. The Yankees win!!! TTTHHHHEEEEE YYYYAAAANNNNKKKKEEEESSSS WIN!!!!!!!
