National Lampoons Sports Minute

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Maria Sharapova claimed that Women’s Tennis is free from corruption. However, there are financial bonuses for grunting.

The already retired Martina Hingis has been inexplicably banned for two years for testing positive for cocaine. That’ll show her. Officials learned of her cocaine problem after she snorted the service line.

New York Jets safety Kerry Rhodes is dating one of the team’s offensive lineman. I’m sorry – he’s dating Jennifer Hudson.

Grambling head coach Rod Broadway denied the rumor that he’s leaving the school. He admitted, however, that he is named after a gay porn star.

The Dolphins fired coach Cam Cameron, just 16 games too late. The Knicks have already made an offer.

81-year-old Penn State coach Joe Paterno said he planned to honor his two-year contract. Mother Nature has yet to sign the deal.

Floyd Mayweather is mulling over a move to Mixed Martial Arts, and Roy Jones worked out with the New York Knicks. The two were no longer content with boring fans to tears in just one sport.

And Former All-Star pitcher Gerry Staley has died at the age of 87. The Yankees have since offered their condolences and a two-year contract.

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