The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Snowstorms forced the Indians to play the Angels in Milwaukee. Fans at Miller Park were thankfully too drunk to tell the difference.

Elsewhere in baseball, Atlanta Braves pitcher Mike Hampton will miss his second straight season because of elbow surgery. Eric Gagne is suing for plagiarism.

Olympic sprinter Tim Montgomery pleaded guilty to conspiracy in a multi-million dollar bank fraud scheme. Too bad – Montgomery was planning to use the money to buy more steroids. Authorities plan on giving the sprinter five to ten years behind bars – if they can catch him.

The 300-pound, slow moving Florida manatee will be removed from the endangered species list and will instead play line for the Miami Dolphins. Although if he can pitch, the Padres are also interested.

A Slovenian man broke a world record by swimming down the Amazon River in 65 days, and is still furious with his travel agent. Americans would be more impressed if we could locate Slovenia on a map. Or the Amazon.

And UCLA’s legendary basketball coach John Wooden has been hospitalized with a stomach problem. Doctors say the problem started after Wooden watched Yoakim Noah shoot a free throw. Doctors are optimistic, however. If Wooden survived the bling-bling era, he can probably pull through anything.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

Thursday’s Tiptoe Around the AL & NL Central

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen’s tirade on April 4th about his pitchers sucking has helped them with their latest performances.

Johan Santana is denying the report by SI.com that he is cutting off negotiations with the Twinkies about a contract extension.

Grady Sizemore will join his Indians teammates C.C. Sabbathia and Josh Barfield in wearing #42 on Sunday.

Former Royals GM Allard Baird is rooting for Zack Greinke this season.

With Gary Sheffield slumping right now, Tigers manager Jim Leyland will start him in right field on Thursday night.

Former Cardinals great Ozzie Smith is leading the voting right now for the All-time Gold Glove team.

Reds manager Jerry Narron benched his cleanup hitter Edwin Encarnacion for not running out a popup on Wednesday night.

Brewers manager Ned Yost made the right moves to help his team win the suspended game in Florida on Wednesday night.

Alfonso Soriano is struggling as the leadoff hitter for the Cubs.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have attempted only two stolen bases all season. They have been successful on one of them.

Astros minor leaguer Koby Clemens is off to a nice start in Single-A Lexington.

The Hit’s Keep Coming… Episode 5 Recap

‘The Hits Keep Coming’ internet radio show on Blog Talk Radio just had it’s fourth episode on the air tonight. Thanks to Ian and Jason for helping make everything go smoothly, as well as the conversation and taking out part of their evening to talk about the sport we love.The first was live and streaming; whereas, the second hour was just recorded after we got off the air.

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The Hit’s Keep Coming…Episode 5
[/coolplayer]Website: http://blogtalkradio.com/oriolepost

Thanks to Chad Gramling from Chad Gramling’s Baseball Blog and Ben from Oriole Central for joining us on the show this week.

Hour One:

The Weather Situation

  • The Cleveland Indians and L.A. Angels playing in Milwaukee
  • Dice-K vs. Ichiro
  • The Saga of A-Rod
  • Brad Lidge out as closer in Houston
  • Hank Aaron and Barry Bonds

Hour Two:

  • Opening Day Stories from Ian & Anthony
  • The Chicago Cubs
  • The Baltimore Orioles
  • Don Imus
  • Preview of Next Week’s Show

Downloads:

Wednesday’s Half Marathon Around the NL

The babealicious Sooze over at Babes Love Baseball tells us the Padres signed Chris Young to a contract extension.

David Wright can go over to Times Square and see himself anytime he wants.

The Nationals offense is in a horrible slump right now.

Braves pitcher Mike Hampton’s surgery was successful and will miss 6 to 9 months as first thought.

The Florida Marlins have been hit by the injury bug.

Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter was placed on the disabled list with bone spurs in his elbow.

Reds OF Josh Hamilton homered in his first big league start.

Prince Fielder is beginning to become the vocal leader of the Brew Crew.

Cubs manager Lou Pinella won’t make excuses for his team’s play right now.

With all the cold weather around, the Pirates haven’t considered moving the times of their games.

Astros closer Brad Lidge isn’t happy about losing his closer’s spot in Houston.

Byung-Hyun Kim wants the Rockies to trade him because he isn’t a starter right now.

Injured Diamondbacks OF Carlos Quentin is almost ready for some game action at extended spring training.

Dodgers OF Matt Kemp landed on the 15 day DL after crashing into the wall on Monday.

Hank Aaron won’t be attendance if and when Barry Bonds breaks his record.

Red Sox Vs Mariners Pitching Matchups

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Tuesday April 10th

Jeff Weaver (first start) vs. Josh Beckett (1-0, 1.80)

Wednesday April 11th

Felix Hernandez (1-0, 0.00) vs. Daisuke Matsuzaka (1-0, 1.29)

Thursday April 12th

Jarrod Washburn (0-0, 3.00) vs. Tim Wakefield (0-1, 1.50)

Today will be a day void of posts as I am leaving for Fenway at 10:00 AM to witness Opening Day in Boston. I will have pictures from the day later on tonight.

Tuesday’s Half Marathon Around The AL


The stunning Sooze at Babes Love Baseball tells us that Joe Mauer is still growing at age 24.

Anthony over at the Oriole Post shares his pictures from Baltimore’s opening day.

The Red Sox picked up J.D. Durbin off of waivers from the Diamondbacks.

Carl Pavano won his first MLB game in almost two years on Monday night.

A’s 3B Eric Chavez got his sixth Gold Glove before Monday’s game.

After one day of rest, Blue Jays 3B Troy Glaus was back in the lineup.

Devil Rays 3B Akinori Iwamura is off to best start for a Japanese position player in the big leagues.

The Cleveland Indians have been snowed out for the past 4 days and have moved their series against the Angels to Milwaukee.

Jim Street tells us in his mailbag why Jake Woods was sent to Triple-A by Seattle.

Eric Gagne will be activated by the Rangers on Friday but won’t be closing right away.

Royals phenom Alex Gordon answers questions over at MLB.com.

Tigers catcher Pudge Rodriguez won’t have a day off until the Tigers travel to Toronto on Thursday.

White Sox OF Jermaine Dye is mired in a 2 for 17 slump to start the season.

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

International players now make up 29% of Major League Baseball. So if you’ve gotten an American education, that’s more than half. The New York Mets have the most international players on their current roster with 72,000. Half of Boston’s roster is foreign born, but they all get bussed in.

In Louisville, the saddle worn by last year’s Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro is expected to fetch the highest bid at a charity auction. Expected to fetch the lowest bid? A large bottle of glue.

CFL running back Ricky Williams has applied to be reinstated in the NFL, after using up all the pot in Toronto. Scouts are skeptical, as Williams has already taken way too many hits.

In basketball, Wizards point guard Gilbert Arenas will likely miss the rest of the season after knee surgery. Many Wizards fans wish they could be so lucky. Arenas’ injury is unfortunate, as he is the best team in the Eastern Conference.

And two 43-year old former world champion boxers squared off this week. The two were told to touch gloves, keep it clean, and put a coat on – it’s cold out. We’re looking forward to next week, when the winner takes on Max Schmeling.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com

The Monday Jog Around The AL & NL East

Curt Schilling details his latest start for us over at 38 Pitches.

The ravishing Sooze over at Babes Love Baseball tells us why the Yankees placed Hideki Matsui on the 15 day DL.

The Blue Jays have their home opener tonight and are in first place all alone in the AL East.

Devil Rays pitcher Edwin Jackson is ready to make his season debut.

The Baltimore Orioles still have fans that believe in them.

The Mets hope to break their all-time opening day attendance record today.

Two of the Phillies rookie pitchers were rewarded with a trip to their Triple-A club after having decent performances.

Mike Hampton of the Braves suffered a setback in his return from an oblique injury.

Even though, he doesn’t have any wins yet, Nationals pitcher Shawn Hill is their best starter to date.

The Marlins were the latest team to be hit with the injury bug.

Quick Sox Recap

A strong pitching effort from Curt Schilling and some strong hitting by David Ortiz lead the Red Sox to a 3-2 victory over the Texas Rangers on Sunday night.

Schilling went 7 strong innings giving up 4 hits, 1 run, 1 earned run, walking 1 and striking out six Rangers hitters. Papi was all the offense the Red Sox needed as he was 2 for 4, with both hits being home runs. He drove in 3 runs.

Both their efforts were almost for not as Joel Piñero got himself into trouble. He walked two batters and gave up a single, loading up the bases. Javier Lopez came on to get 1 out and then Jonathan Papelbon came on to finish the Rangers off. Papelbon was absolutely lights out on the mound on Sunday night. He was just overpowering to every hitter he faced.

You could tell he was really into the game because he had his famous glare towards the hitters. I will now call this the “Papelglare.” Good win for the Sox as they head back to Boston for Tuesday’s home opener against the Mariners. I will be there and will have pictures on Wednesday.