Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The Detroit Lions fired offensive coordinator Mike Martz after going 1-7 in the second half. Martz was surprised as it was Detroit’s best second half in ten years. The Detroit Lions had started the season 6-2 before suddenly remembering they were the Detroit Lions.

The San Francisco 49ers did not fire coach Mike Nolan, instead blaming their 5-11 season on global warming.

Marion Jones has asked a judge not to give her jail time, saying her disgrace was punishment enough. Which will set up a very convincing insanity plea. Yes, humiliation is a true substitute for jail time. Luckily for Jones, this is the same judge that ordered an armed robber to be publicly nooggied. In fairness, Jones was stripped of all of her medals. And there’s no replacing those – except with the millions of dollars she got to keep.

Munich is a strong candidate for the 2018 Olympics. Because that went so well last time.

The New York Knicks are so bad, they’re the forth best basketball team in the New York area, behind the Nets, the Liberty, and the NYU Violets. The Knicks are so bad that they make Miami look like they have a good team. A good football team.

And the Boston Celtics have the best record in the Eastern Conference. In fairness, most of their games are against teams in the Eastern Conference.

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Happy New Year to you and yours. May you enjoy a healthy and prosperous New Year along with a Patriots Super Bowl win, a Celtics NBA title and another Red Sox World Series championship.

Thank you to everyone for making SOX & Dawgs what is today. Without you the reader, we wouldn’t exist.

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The San Francisco Giants dedicated a 10-foot by 70-foot mural celebrating the team’s history in the city. The team hopes that next year it can find a big enough wall to accommodate the rest of Barry Bonds’ forehead. The Giants also announced that they will not be re-signing Bonds. Let us be the first to say, “neener neener neener!”

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays are now marketing their own brand of hot sauce. The hot sauce is also terrible at baseball.

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman has suggested that his league is looking to expand into Europe, because he’s run out of small southern cities that hate hockey.

Football fans are still reacting to Donovan McNabb’s comments about black QBs facing more scrutiny than white QB’s. Tim Couch, Joey Harrington, Rex Grossman, Eli Manning, Danny Wuerffel, and Ryan Leaf were unavailable for comment.

Kevin Everett, the Buffalo Bills player who everyone thought might be paralyzed, used his arms this week. To cover his eyes while watching the Bills play.

Six University of Texas football players have now been arrested since June. The Longhorns are hoping that things calm down so they can graduate and play for the Bengals.

Rockets center Yao Ming will miss the team’s media day and first two days of practice to appear at the Special Olympics in Shanghai. Wow. We thought that was just a heavy accent.

The Houston Rockets have finally come to terms with Dikembe Mutombo, making him the oldest player in the league. Mutombo is so old that his first contract is on papyrus.

And in a case that’s been all over the news, American cyclist Floyd Landis has been stripped of his 2006 Tour de France title. Thankfully he’s Mennonite, so his relatives will never know.

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Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Division III Sul Ross State University suited up a 59-year-old linebacker. And he was still better than everyone at Notre Dame. How bad is Notre Dame football? They’ve changed their name from The Fighting Irish to The Fighting French. Notre Dame is so bad that on Sunday, they held an emergency practice and lost.

Tiger Woods will take an extended break to spend time with his new daughter, who is already a better golfer than Michelle Wie.

The Phoenix Mercury won their first WNBA championship, by beating both WNBA teams that haven’t yet folded. In an equally exciting story, I stubbed my toe earlier.

Major League Baseball hopes to have a blood test available next season that will catch players using human growth hormone. That sound you hear is Barry Bonds retiring. Bonds could conceivably pass the test – assuming it didn’t work on cold-blooded players.

White Sox outfielder Jermaine Dye was spotted dining with Stevie Wonder and R. Kelly at a posh Chicago restaurant. Wonder was shocked, since he assumed that he was dining alone.

And a Florida Marlins season ticket holder was ejected at a home game for heckling the umpire too loudly. No word on yet what the Marlins will do to their other season ticket holder.

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Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Harrah’s has announced that it intends to build an arena in Las Vegas capable of housing an NBA team. Tim Donaghy has already volunteered to referee all 41 home games.

The Houston Rockets have made a contract offer to defensive specialist Dikembe Mutombo. The offer is for one year or six points, whichever comes first.

Mavericks owner Mark Cuban will be a cast member of Dancing With the Stars. We’re not sure how he’ll be able to stay on his feet while they’re constantly in his mouth.

A judge has set bond at $5 million each for the two men accused of robbing Antoine Walker’s home. Ironically, that’s almost as much money as Walker stole from the Heat last season.

Barry Bonds was honored in San Francisco when the mayor presented him with the key to the city. Given Bonds’ popularity, we’re surprised he didn’t just leave the key under the mat. Next up is a visit to the Wizard to finally get a heart.

Red Sox reliever Jonathan Papelbon invented a new pitch: a combination cutter and slider that he calls a slutter. The pitch is also known as “The Paris Hilton.”

After being cut by the Padres, David Wells has joined the Los Angeles Dodgers. The Dodgers are looking forward to increased sales of Dodger Dogs. However, fans are complaining about the loss of a handicapped parking spot.

And Gary Sheffield will miss several games with a sore shoulder. Sheffield has already come out against the shoulder for being racist.

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Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Braves manager Bobby Cox finally set the record for the most ejections in baseball history. Cox celebrated at a local bar before eventually being tossed.

Has-been Jose Offerman has been suspended from his minor league team indefinitely after he hit the opposing pitcher and catcher with his bat. On the positive side, it’s the first hitting streak Offerman has had in years.

Johan Santana struck out 17 Texas Rangers. It’s not that remarkable, since Sammy Sosa was 14 of them.

Taco Bell is giving away a trip to the 2008 World Series. The winner gets to throw out the first pitch, $50,000, and free Spanish lessons from a Rodriguez to be named later.

In Cleveland, doctors used electrodes to awaken a man who’s been in a coma for six years. The man spent his coma in a hospital, coaching the Browns.

Six players were injured in a pre-season game between the Giants and Ravens. Hey, we thought pre-season was two-hand touch.

Giants coach Tom Coughlin surprised his team by canceling their classroom work and taking them bowling. Probably preparing them for a season in the gutter.

Vinny Testaverde has re-signed with the New England Patriots, giving the team a backup in case Tom Brady has to leave to impregnate another celebrity.

Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson have turned down invitations to play in the LG Skins Game. The two golfers backed out when they mistakenly thought John Daly would be playing topless.

And golfer Sheila Drummond became the first blind female to record a hole-in-one. Or someone is playing a really mean practical joke.

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Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

This week, a key defendant in the Michael Vick case asked for a plea bargain. By barking.

David Beckham has released a new cologne named “Intimately Beckham.” Sadly, the fragrance is only effective in Europe.

Update on Yao Ming’s wedding – it could be his only chance to get a ring during his career.

Cal Ripken Jr. has been appointed a Special Sports Envoy by Condoleezza Rice. It’s the first time the government has hired anyone who will show up to work every day. Ripken has already spent more days in Washington than President Bush.

Magic Johnson will hold a fundraiser to support Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid. That’s perfect, since most political pundits agree that it will take some magic to get her elected.

The Miami Heat signed Penny Hardaway. The deal has been applauded by the year 1995. Penny arrive in Miami shortly, in tiger print pants while doing the Macarena.

Hank Aaron told reporters that he was asleep at his home when Barry Bonds hit his 756th home run. Apparently that’s what happens when you have a clear conscience.

And the bad news is that a Los Angeles fan was arrested for throwing a water bottle at the A’s Mike Piazza. The good news is that next week he’ll be pitching for the Dodgers.

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Never in my wildest dreams when I started this blog back in November 2005, did I ever think I would see 100,000 visitors let alone 200,000. So a big thank you goes out to everyone who has visited SOX & Dawgs and please keep coming back. We enjoy your company and your comments.

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

The Pacers Jermaine O’Neal requested a trade to the Lakers. Kobe Bryant is thrilled, since he can’t win without an O’Neal.

It was week of milestones as A-Rod hit his 500th home run, Tom Glavine won his 300th game, and Barry Bonds hit his 755th reporter. When Bonds hit his 755th home run, some in the stadium cheered while others booed. And that was just the Giants dugout.

Yao Ming married his 6 foot 2 girlfriend. Tallest canopy ever. The couple is looking forward to having many freakishly long babies.

The Cleveland Browns gave a $21 million contract to 22nd pick Brady Quinn. Wow – that’s a million dollars for every player another team thought was better.

In Kentucky, new Knicks center Randolph Morris was arrested for reckless driving. Morris explained that’s just how the Knicks play. We’re surprised that more Knicks haven’t been charged with reckless driving, shooting, and trading.

And the movie “Underdog” is flopping at the box office, despite a great performance from villain Michael Vick. In related news, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference has decided not to present an award to Vick. Not because of all the legal troubles, but because he plays for the Falcons.

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Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Tough week for Michael Vick. A spokesman for PETA announced that he has film of the Falcons quarterback throwing pigskins. Word is Vick is planning to sell his Virginia estate where the alleged dog fights took place, and buy a house closer to his job. In Canada.

Elsewhere in the NFL, some pipes broke and filled the Cleveland Browns locker room with raw sewage, reminding everyone of Tim Couch.

The Texas Rangers traded Mark Texiera to the Braves for four prospects, which they will eventually trade for a washed up pitcher.

Hoping to win back the public’s trust, the NBA announced it’s new head of officiating – Pete Rose.

In golf, Jim Furyk edged out Vijay Singh to win the Canadian Open. That’s just like the US Open, but with nobody watching.

Kentucky Derby winning jockey Jose Santos announced his retirement, and is looking forward to eating again.

Evander Holyfield will fight for a version of the heavyweight title at age 44 in Moscow. In Russia he won’t look old, he’ll just look poisoned.

And the National Guard is in talks to sponsor Dale Earnhardt Jr’s NASCAR team as a great way to recruit more poor people. The Army decided against sponsoring Jeff Gordon for unknown reasons. We didn’t ask, they didn’t tell.

For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com