Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Major League Baseball has set an attendance record for the fourth straight season. But the old attendance record was set by fans who trained naturally.
Barry Bonds made his last appearance as a San Francisco Giant. Wherever he ends up next year, you will still be able to see his head from San Francisco.
David Beckham returned to Britain after his father suffered a near-fatal heart attack. Man, that whole family will fake injury to avoid showing up to work.
A cheating scandal has ensnared 23 student-athletes at Florida State. The news shocked many who didn’t realize the university still offered classes.
Notre Dame football is so bad that this week, they lost to the Mets.
The New York Giants set a team record by sacking Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb 12 times. McNabb spent more time on his back than Paris Hilton.
Due to the distraction, NFL cheerleaders are no longer allowed to stretch in front of any player except Jeff Garcia. Tom Brady must also stop impregnating them.
This far into the season and St. Louis Rams defensive end Leonard Little has no sacks or murders.
And Pat Bertoletti inhaled 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes to win $4,000 in the World Grits Eating Championship. Bertoletti will be using the money toward his next triple bypass.
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