Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait

Congratulations to Roger Federer, who tied Bjorn Borg’s record of five straight Wimbledon titles without a personality.

The Knicks are currently trying to land troubled forward Ron Artest, because they’re not already enough of a train wreck. Good thinking. Artest should really thrive in a quiet, sheltered environment like New York.

Kobe Bryant apologized to Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak for his disparaging comments about the team. Great that they could sit down face to two-face.

Grant Hill has signed a two-year contract with the Suns. The contract will cost Phoenix $3.8 million in salary and $10 million in hospital bills.

Olympic leaders have voted to create a new Olympics for athletes aged 14-18. We have that already – it’s called “the Olympics.”

NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series and Red Horse team driver Aaron Fike was arrested on charges of possession of heroin. It’s nice to see that NASCAR is finally trying to reach out to an urban audience. Red Horse Racing is considering changing its name to White Horse Racing.

Washington Nationals pitcher Jesus Colome has been admitted to a hospital with an infection to his right buttocks. The infection seems to stem from Colome getting it kicked too much.

And former major leaguer Jim Abbott has been inducted into the College Baseball Hall of Fame. I guess that’s the sound of one hand clapping.

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