The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So) Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Sammy Sosa is closing in on 600 home runs. To celebrate, he uncorked a new bat.
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays played a three game series at Disney World in an attempt to increase their exposure in the Orlando area. Which makes sense, since they’ve always been a Mickey Mouse operation.
A recent survey of 464 Major League Baseball players named Barry Bonds the least friendly player in the game. On the positive side, it’s the first time Bonds has won anything without cheating. And his approval ratings are still higher than George Bush.
The Phillies scheduled Danny DeVito to throw out a first pitch. It’s the first time the mound dwarfs the man throwing off of it.
In football, Washington’s Clinton Portis defended Michael Vick, saying dog fighting was not nearly as criminal as selling Redskins season tickets.
Another Cincinnati Bengal was arrested. Why should this night be different from all others?
Turning to basketball, Greg Oden wants to try out for the U.S. Olympic team this summer, assuming summer school ends in time.
Speaking of summer school, Phoenix Suns star Amare Stoudemire will take classes at Arizona State this summer. Unfortunately, the classes will not be in anger management.
And Michelle Wie is looking for another chance to make the PGA Tour. Unfortunately, her parents took away her Play Station.
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