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With nothing to do tonight but watch the Yankees and my fathers beloved Indians I figured it might be a good spot for some commentary.

Top 1

Ok in the playoffs we have two umpires on the foul lines in the outfield. How does the guy looking right down the line miss a fair or foul call???? Then in the one game playoff they missed the HR in Colorado. That granted was a little harder because it barely cleared the rail but still get your ass out to wall and make the effin’ call.

According to Craig Sager Alex Rodriguez stretched three times yesterday to make sure he was loose for tonight’s game. He didn’t say what he stretched.

What thrift store did Sager get that jacket from?

You don’t wanna walk guys in the first inning. – Bob Brenly. Ok Bob when is a good time to walk guys then?

Did the Chip Caray guy just say that Sabathia gave up a long HR to right? The ball was right down the line into the lower deck, it was Johnny Damon who hit the damn thing not Barry Bonds. My grandmother can hit the ball that far and she’s been dead for 15 years.

Bottom 1

When I went to Florida last month I really fucked up and didn’t go to a “Sonic” like I should have. Now I kicking myself because I want one of those cheese steak bacon beef bombs or whatever the hell it is.

Chingy hit Grady Sizemore with the first pitch.

Asdrubal? What kind of a name is that? What do you call him? Dru-bie?

Speaking of nicknames the best one possibly in all of baseball belongs to Travis Hafner, they call him Pronk. He wore a T-shirt that said “I may not be smart but I can lift heavy things”.

Look at these two retards with the painted faces. Is one of those guys David Puddy? These are grown men btw, not kids. Hey I’m a dork and I’ll wear a team jersey but I refuse to look like the total ass bag and paint my face.

TBS needs to find two different fans to show besides the guys with the face paint. There’s like 40,000 other people there. Show a few.

Hey we gotta 1-1 ball game because of Ryan Garko.

I’m surprised that Cabrera didn’t come up and try to take a shot a Hafner at the plate – Tony Gwynn. Tony he did try, Mientkeiwiahjdfyagakaka cut the ball off.

Was Jhonny Peralta’s mom dyslexic? I can just picture the kids teacher circling his name in red everyday in class.

Damn the Jake is rocking now with the sacks juiced thanks to a walk here comes Kenny Lofton.

Single to center two runs, but Jhonny gets hung between 2nd and 3rd to end the inning.

Top 2
Doug Mientkiewahajadkjakaka fell getting off the team bus tonight. That’s karma for the whole world series ball thing.

Top 3

Derek Jeter damn near screwed himself into the ground on the strikeout. If he had screwed himself into the ground could he give the dirt herpes?

Bottom 3

Holy crap Dru-bie goes yard off of Chingy

Jesus Bron Bron is everywhere. He was at the Bengals-Pats game Monday night and now tonight he’s at the Indians-Yanks game, wearing a Yankee hat. It probably didn’t go over well with all those Cavs fans. Turns out he’s a Jeter fan, hopefully he didn’t the herp like Jessica Alba did.

They talking about how Torre is sticking with the Wanger because of all the wins he has had the last two years and with the Yankee bats you’re never out it. No the reason Torre stays with Chingy is his bullpen sucks before he gets to Joba and Mariano. If you had a choice between Chingy or Farnsworth who would you take?

Bottom 4

“Tony, what does it mean when a pitcher needs to extend?” – Chip Caray. Jesus Chip you act like ain’t never seen a ball game before. (I just couldn’t come up with the Grandpa Chip jokes from Talladega Nights).

Can Chip Caray over pronounce “uncomfortable” just one more time please?

Did Chip just say the Yankees big four (pitchers) made most of their starts? To quote Tom Jackson. “Are you retarded”?

Is it me or is the crowd noise overpowering???

Top 5

Shelley Duncan is from a great family, his dad Dave Duncan is the Cardinal’s pitching coach, his brother Chris Duncan plays for the Cardinals and Sandy Duncan sold Wheat Thins.

Indian’s pitching coach Carl Willis comes to mound to talk to Sabathia. I wonder if CC has ever said “whatchu talkin’ about Willis”?

They’re gonna take the bat out of Alex’s hands and walk him. He is thankful as he wants to save his hands for later for the muscular transvestite Cleveland strippers.

Did they run out of concessions in Cleveland? All the Indians fans seem to be eating their extra clothing.

Bottom 5

What’s with Chip and the long HR thing? He just described Dru-bie’s HR from earlier as a “long solo HR to right”. This was on a ball that Abreau leaped for and it landed two rows deep in the bleachers. I wonder what he calls a mammoth blast?

TBS really needs to dial down the crowd mic’s you can barely hear the announcers to make fun of them.

Great now Sager is interviewing the Indians drummer. And while they’re with him Martinez goes yard with a two-run dinger and he starts beating that damn drum again. If I was Sager I would have used the mic and started beating the drum too.

“A two run bomb turns a one run lead into three just like that”. – Tony Gwynn Tony is teaching math at SDSU as well.

After a Lofton RBI single, the Wanger is pulled!!!

Is Marlee Maitlin the sound engineer tonight???

Lebron looks like he saw Tim Duncan and Tony Parker again.

“It’s 9-3, Cleve-land Rocks!!!” – Chip Caray. Hey Chip that whirring noise you hear is your grandfather spinning in his grave.

Top 6

Ok Chip is it Ra-FI-el or Ra-fa-yell?

“Borowski’s come into Cleveland and done a magnificent job”. – Chip Caray. Wasn’t his ERA over 5.00? Hey Chip FYI, Papelbon’s ERA was 1.85.

Enough of the ball washing of the Yankee offense already. Cleveland is kicking there ass right now why don’t you ball wash them for a bit.

Bottom 6

“If your pitching isn’t pitching well you’re not gonna win”. – Chip Caray. Thank’s for that pearl Chip.

HR for Pronk, 10-3. I think Gwynn said it sounded like he broke his bat but it’s hard to hear him over the crowd mic’s. Did they put a mic on everyone in the stadium tonight?

If Chip Caray says “he spanks one….” one more time I may have to duct tape his mouth closed.

They’re beating Olendorf around like a redheaded bastard stepchild.

Damn Lofton is just beating Yankee pitching like a bad dog.

Now Brenly is talking about spanking. WTF did these guys do on the off day?

Top 7

Ian is tired of Frank TV, I feel the same about Dane Cook.

“Damon tried to hold his ground but see him get bent over at the waist…” – Tony Gwynn. That’s because he’s good at being bent over but usually its by Jeter in the hot tub.

Top 8

Since when do “flame throwers” hit 92 mph on the gun??

Holy crap they went out of an inning with out saying anything. Either that or TBS failed to pay the rental fee on the mic’s and soundboard.

Bottom 8

I never realized there has never been a post season cycle. Martinez fell a triple short and earlier today Kaz Matsui missed by a single.

Garko takes Hughes out and it’s 12-3. Gwynn has finally conceded that the Indians are impressive.

“Remember the saying about hitting being contagious, well there’s an outbreak in the third base dugout tonight”. – Bob Brenly

Top 9

Jeez Chip just broke out the old “Chicks dig the long ball” line.

“Yankees came in with the most HRs in baseball, the highest batting average in baseball, the most runs scored in baseball”. – Chip Caray. Really they werent leading the NBA in scoring??

With two outs they’re making drummer jokes. “He needs to ice his wrists”, “I wonder if he knows any other songs”, “its got a good beat and easy to dance to”, “I bet he knows ‘We got the beat’ by the Go-Go’s”.

Thank god this over. Indians lead the series 1-0.