The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
NBA commissioner David Stern is thinking about adding several teams in China. Spud Webb can finally realize his dream of playing center.
Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas was seen getting cozy with model Tyra Banks at New York’s Club 66. If that’s what 33 wins gets him, imagine who he could be dating if his team was any good. Perhaps Thomas should be featured on her show, walking around the city in a Rangers uniform to see how a winning coach feels.
Speculation has increased that Heat forward Antoine Walker may retire, which is what we thought he did during half the games this season.
A new study suggests that more than 40 percent of NASCAR fans are women. The survey could be wrong, however, as differentiating between male and female hillbillies is often impossible.
Campbell’s spent $58 million on ads for Chunky Soup last year. $56 million of that was spent on feeding Jerome Bettis in between takes.
Boxer Acelino Freitas quit in the ring for the second time. Evander Holyfield? Tommy Morrison? Are you paying attention?
Writers are saying the Mayweather Vs. De la Hoya megafight could return boxing to it’s former glory. It will be so much like old times that neither one of them will get to keep any of the white people’s money.
And Yankees’ pitcher Chien-Ming Wang suffered a split nail on the middle finger of his throwing hand. Tragic, as that’s the finger he needs to communicate with fellow New Yorkers. George Steinbrenner is livid, as there’s nothing worse than having an injured Wang.
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