The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Congratulations to Sammy Sosa on making the Texas Rangers opening day roster. Thankfully for Sosa, most restaurants in Arlington do not charge a corkage fee.
Those watching a recent Cubs-Diamondbacks game were treated to a rare sight: a female umpire. Just what ballplayers need – an official who remembers the details of every single argument, and will also bring up arguments from previous games.
In basketball, LeBron James cheered up his teammates after their loss to the Knicks by taking them to a topless bar. His plan worked great – it was the most focused the team has been all year long.
Injured superstar Dwyane Wade practiced for the first time in 6 weeks and should be ready for the playoffs, assuming the Eastern Conference bothers to show up.
Golf Digest did not include Trump International Golf Club on its list of “America’s 100 Greatest Courses.” Reviewers didn’t like the way the sand traps had been combed over. And the casino on the 12th hole is just gaudy.
The NFL has cancelled an exhibition game in China between the Patriots and Seahawks, disappointing the millions of Matt Hasselback fans in mainland China.
And NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. In related news, NFL League owners have voted 30-2 to make the video replay system a permanent officiating tool. The Detroit Lions will not use the replay system, as they always make the same mistakes anyway.
For more of the Sports Minute (Or So), visit minuteorso.com
