The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)
Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Don’t expect Bob Knight to retire anytime soon. A few minutes after losing to Boston College, the Texas Tech coach was already talking excitedly about the new batch of recruits he’ll get to choke next season.
Boxing promoter Don King secured an audience with Pope Benedict XVI at the Vatican this week. Apparently, King wanted to know where to get a hat that big.
44-year-old boxer and possible nutcase Evander Holyfield defeated Vinny Maddalone with a TKO. After the fight, Holyfield said he would reclaim his heavyweight title and “I wonded.”
ESPN has agreed to carry the USA Rock Paper Scissors League Championship. It was either that or hockey.
In football, former Steeler Linebacker Joey Porter allegedly punched Bengals offensive lineman Levi Jones at a Las Vegas blackjack table. Porter could face a year in jail or worse, finish his career in Miami. Police immediately arrested Jones because he’s on the Bengals.
Peyton Manning hosted Saturday Night Live this weekend. It’s nice to see that Manning is finally getting some television exposure.
And Michael Vick opened a new winery and restaurant that is the first of its kind to serve marijuana residue in a water bottle. Though it’s known as “The Tasting Room,” we prefer to call it “Bongs N’ Beaujolais.” Vick admitted he was reluctant to get involved with the restaurant business, but in the end he simply couldn’t pass.
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