Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
Alex Rodriguez said that his talks with the Yankees are “in the bottom of the fifth inning.” Hopefully for A-Rod, the metaphor takes place in a regular season game. If the Yankees do sign the ten-year deal, it’s mainly so they don’t have to speak to Scott Boras for the next decade.
The University of Alabama is looking into acquiring a live elephant for its football game day festivities. Unfortunately, John Daly was booked.
Michigan coach Lloyd Carr resigned after losing to Ohio State, calling it his most embarrassing loss of the last few months. Rumor has Carr going to Notre Dame next season. To play quarterback.
Ryan Leaf has surfaced as the quarterbacks coach for Division II’s number four ranked West Texas State. Leaf has taught his team how to throw a spiral, throw a tantrum, and throw in the towel.
Mike Tyson has served a 24-hour jail sentence, where he was forced to eat prison food instead of Lennox Lewis’ children.
New York Knicks radio announcer Gus Johnson was criticized for clapping every time New York scored a basket. Johnson later apologized for being a Knicks fan. The good news for the Knicks is that they got Stephon Marbury back. The bad news, of course, is that they got Stephon Marbury back.
And undefeated North Carolina won its fifth NCAA title in women’s field hockey. When asked what she’ll do next, the team MVP said, “I’m going to Lilith Fair.”
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