Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait
The Milwaukee Brewers are making postseason tickets available to their fans for the first time in 15 years. Milwaukee fans will have to dress for the cold because hell has frozen over.
How bad are the Pittsburgh Pirates? A day after the Honus Wagner baseball card sold for $2.8 million, it batted fifth.
A Cubs fan built a one-third-size replica of Wrigley Field so he’ll only have to wait one-third of a century for a World Series. Wow. You can really get a lot done when you’re not distracted by women or friends.
Los Angeles Lakers guard Kobe Bryant is on a five-city tour of Asia. That’s how far he has to go to find people who still like him.
Speaking of people who don’t like Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O’Neal plans to return to the Heat after shedding over 120 pounds of useless weight this off-season. His ex-wife.
Chivas USA Soccer has hired former NHL and NBA exec Shawn Hunter to help increase home attendance, by one.
A neurologist has concluded that former WWE star Chris Benoit suffered from brain damage. The brain damage was brought on by years and years of watching wrestling.
A punter who was cut by the Patriots was charged with assaulting his own father later that night. Convicting him will be easy, since Bill Belichick probably taped it.
And world champion Tyson Gay has decided to pull out of the Golden League 100 meters due to fatigue. Gay was exhausted after years spent running from his last name.
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